What's it all about?

It's about giving yourself permission to fail. Not wishing to fail, that would make you some sort of nonce. (Normally I would apologise if that offends you but I'm not going to - because you surrender the right to take offence when you sell your soul for a handful of praise, some empty words from hollow friends and a plastic medal)

You're giving yourself permission so that you can dare yourself to succeed. Cheesy? Maybe, but then you've been dared to do more stupid sounding things than that...and done them!

It's alright to come off second best if you've put your heart and soul into it. Actually, that's a half-truth. If you wanted it enough to put your heart and soul into it, coming off second best will hurt like gravel burn with a lemon juice poultice but you can learn and you can adapt to that. Besides, coming off second best even though you've safe-guarded your ego by only giving it a half-arsed effort will still hurt. But it will hurt in the deep dark, where the shadows run from themselves and the acid corrodes your soul. And that is worse.

Why is it worse? When you sell yourself out like that it makes it easier to do it again and again. And even though you might retain the glad-handing of your peers, the face looking back from the glass knows the truth of your shame.

It's not school any more - by now, if you didn't then, you should know who, what and which opinions matter to you. If not, now is a good time to figure it out. The clues are there, scattered around your life like breadcrumbs. Here and now there is nobody that matters waiting to laugh at you, to humiliate you to get their rocks off. That's just a power you ascribe to them. I don't see anybody else walking around in your skin, trying what you're doing, with what you've got (or not as the case may be) - so why should you give a monkey's chuff what they think, say, or do? How does that sate your values? Really?

Make a start. Any old how. Just do it now. Not in a minute, now. Do one thing that gets your ball moving. Just one. It will hurt a damn sight less than you think it will...and you need movement if you're going to gather momentum.

And to paraphrase a good man: "before you ask "should I?" remember, if you have to ask the question you already know the answer."


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